are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
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Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
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I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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