How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
