just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
