I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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