he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
