wanna go halves on a baby?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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