things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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