what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
