i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
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You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
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