yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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