She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
