He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
My hand turned me down
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
