He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
