before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
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