Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
