Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
