Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
