you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
