In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
