you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
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Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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