im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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