Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
