Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
