the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
