I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
