before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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