someone owes me an orgasm
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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