Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
