Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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