My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
