you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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