So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Randomize
