:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
We got so high we made milksteak
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
There's always time for handjobs
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
