today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
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I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
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Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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