Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
