Just mADE A PArabola og urine
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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