A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
