My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
