marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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