are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
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Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
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I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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