i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
