I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
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Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
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You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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