and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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