Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
should my penis look like a turkey
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
