If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
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