based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
