Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
