No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
