WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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