I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Someone signed my nipple.
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