pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
