a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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