he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
