I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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