Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize
