I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I checked into jail on foursquare
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
