would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
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I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
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I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?