Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(805): View more from California

I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.

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(805): I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose. http://tfl.nu/niu3

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(515): View more from Iowa

This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.

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(515): This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot. http://tfl.nu/nttq

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(910): View more from North Carolina

that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.

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(910): that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time. http://tfl.nu/0332

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(219): View more from Indiana

I thought Christmas was going to come before I did

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(219): I thought Christmas was going to come before I did http://tfl.nu/cili

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(224): View more from Illinois

I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.

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(224): I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home. http://tfl.nu/0j8i

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(510): View more from California

I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.

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(510): I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK. http://tfl.nu/4l82

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(701): View more from North Dakota

does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?

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(701): does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat? http://tfl.nu/hd1u

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(913): View more from Kansas

i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell

(816): View more from Missouri

please tell me you are kidding me

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(913): i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell (816): please tell me you are kidding me http://tfl.nu/zfgp

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(903): View more from Texas

How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!

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(903): How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?! http://tfl.nu/tpho

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(785): View more from Kansas

Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok

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(785): Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok http://tfl.nu/c6qb

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(954): View more from Florida

I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets

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(954): I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets http://tfl.nu/eeot

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(519): View more from Ontario

That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded

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(519): That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded http://tfl.nu/gpq0

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(703): View more from Virginia

You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".

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(703): You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick". http://tfl.nu/ootc

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(513): View more from Ohio

People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?

(1-513): View more from Ohio

YES.

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(513): People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join? (1-513): YES. http://tfl.nu/e51l

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW

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(+44): As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW http://tfl.nu/48d7

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