i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.