Have you finally orgasmed yet?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
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